Nostalgic

Any time a person invests a significant portion of their life in something, separation from that thing is bound to stir up nostalgia, or at least sentimentality. That is how I'm feeling right now. Nearly 3 1/2 hours ago, I walked out of Intel Corporation for the last time. I was employed there for 7 years, 9 months, and 8 days. And now I'm not. Strange. Am I going to miss it? Sure, in some ways. At the same time, I'm leaving to do things that I feel more drawn to do. I am glad I got the privilege to work for a dependable and fair employer. I'm glad for the financial benefits. I'm glad for the experience. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to see that the corporate ladder and all it has to offer is not for me. Intel was a catalyst. It helped show me that I was cut out for something different. The employees of this corporation are doing work that is transforming the world...in a way that is different from the way I want my efforts to transform the world. Thanks to the world of technology for making the world what it is today. I hope the best for my former colleagues who continue to make the best microprocessors that technology has ever seen. Thanks for being my co-workers and team-mates, I will remember my time there fondly. I hope that I will do what I'm supposed to do with the precious years I have left, they are so fleeting. I don't feel like the ones I spent with Intel were wasted. I thank God for giving them to me! And now, the rest of my life beckons...

Not Trying To Develop Readership

Yep, it is pretty obvious that I'm not trying to develop readership numbers with my irregularity in posting on this here blog!

That was not ever my intention, but nonetheless, I apologize to those of you who want to read some of my thoughts, or who just want to catch up.

I guess that last part is a bit of a concern. We are all so busy, that we don't have time to physically be together, or even to talk on the relic of culture known as the telephone! I understand that, and while I don't like it, I accept it as a reality. Albeit, a reality I will refuse to ever fully acquiesce to. That was a fancy word, wasn't it? I think that sometimes my writing voice is different from my speaking voice.

I have had a lot of stuff to think about recently. And it seems that instead of figuring things out, I'm just getting more to think about as time progresses. The most significant of these has to do with my faith, and who I am within the world of my faith. From time to time, I think it is really unusual that I am in the role(s) that I am. A great example goes back to when I was officially added as an elder with our church. I told my wife, "this is going to be strange, I have spent my life railing against 'the man', now, I AM the man!" So far, I have found that the 'clothes' of 'the man' don't fit me well. It feels strange to wear this title, these roles, and this responsibility. At least when it means becoming a part of the established institution of organized Christian leadership. Now don't get me wrong, I know how it all works, and why things are done the way that they are. I just remain unconvinced that revolutionary change is not necessary.

I read this article today by a guy who I think has been where I am, and has gone the direction I could see myself going some day.

Right now, I'm a candidate for the 'Lead Pastor' position at a church that I helped start. I am proud to be a part of it, and despite many of my struggles, I still remain optimistic that it could become what I thought it could when I joined it. I'm also headed toward a future as a church planter. Maybe this post is more about that than about being a church leader in a currently existing church. Either way, I'm really feeling like something has got to change. As a leader, that probably means that I need to go first.

I just find myself asking, "what should be done?" It does not seem like what I have been doing is working. And, what does it say about my sanity or fitness to lead if I just continue doing what I have been doing?

Perspective

Lately, my life has been a rollercoaster of emotion. There is a lot to think about. I have been working at keeping anxiety, stress, frustration, impatience, and many others at bay. There are a lot of things to think about when you have circumstances like the ones I'm currently in the middle of. Overall, I'm not in bad shape at all, just feeling a little 'tested'.

Then there is the news I got a little less than an hour ago. My sister's house burned today, and they lost everything. It just puts everything in perspective. Thankfully, everyone is okay.