I am observing something that I think has an established pattern to it. I have recently wondered why people seem to be incapable of showing emotion. Mind you, I did not say 'utterly incapable', instead I mean they are variably hindered. When I say variably hindered, I mean that not all people are emotionally stunted to the same degree.
My hypothesis is that we become progressively diminished in our emotional expression through conditioning brought about by life's ups and downs. Consider children. When they express joy, excitement, happiness, enthusiasm, sorrow, grief, frustration, or any other emotion, you often see a pure expression. Now, hold that in contrast to your own emotional expression. Is there a difference? Why? Some might say that part of the process of maturation is a development of sophistication in expression. I don't disagree with that, but I think that applies to things like vocabulary a whole lot more appropriately than emotion.
I think that life for most of us conditions us to not get too excited about something because we will probably just be disappointed. Don't let yourself be touched by pain, suffering, or loss because you will always be grieving. Stuff your frustration because it is not okay to share your offense with others lest you be labeled intolerant of others. This isn't to say that we shouldn't develop maturity in our response to others, but at what point does the outcome become counter productive?
I suppose I'm quixotically arguing against a social norm. That has never stopped me. Especially as I have been thinking about this. Why are overcompensating defense mechanisms in our emotive selves acceptable? Don't we want to feel and express to the fullest potential of our being? Is it not attractive to think of the freedom of expressing our feelings the way un-jaded children do?
So friends, how do you feel about this?
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3 hours ago
3 comments:
I was really following your train of thought until I reached "quixotically". Then you totally lost me.
Yeah, I agree for the most part, though I haven't thought it out much. I have a personal experience in this direction though. In Jr. High and High School I made conscious efforts to be stoic in demeanor and not let emotion play across my face much.
It was brought to my attention the disadvantages of such "logic", and I consciously reversed this direction way back when.
I'm a very emotional person. Sometimes I try to hide it when it feels appropriate, other times I let it all come out :)
I don't think I'm afraid to show emotion to look "vulnerable" or "weak"... but I worry that others will think I'm trying to impress or be pious (or come across as fake), so I sometimes hold back the fullness of my emotions, based on whatever assessments I'm able to make on situations and such.
I, for one, am thankful that you have repented of stoicism! :)
Dave, I think you're up against nature-nurture here. Where do children learn to be inhibited? I'd take a look at their parents first. It's a hard mold to break free from the familial cycle and on top of that you have an individual personality who is capable of making his/her own decision(s) based on his/her previous experience(s). It's a lot to soak in!!!
Anyways, I think of the ole parental adage, "Do as I say; not as I do." No matter how many times you preach it, children watch their parents very closely and how they interact socially in public as well as behind closed doors. They learn fast the "ways" of the world. Ava's already picking up certain traits of mine and Laura's--for better or worse; I'm not sure yet. I've personally tried to overcome certain social sanctioned boundaries in public; especially as a full-time dad amongst a plethora of women. It's even more difficult now that we're back in the Midwest. I'm curious how this will shape Ava's social identity(ies) in the years to come.
So back to the initial thread of thought, I believe the burying of emotions and the fear of what other's may think starts at home. I think it then, as Phil noted about his own experience, takes own a personal journey as they reach those ever-shaping teen years. We do what we know to be true in our lives. It's what keeps us safe in the moment. I'm still trying to break out of my shell to live my life anew.
Anywho, I'm passionate about this topic and I hope the conversation continues on and on...
Peace.
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