What It Means To Be A Man

Ok, that is a bit grandiose for a title, but I'm wanting to take a swing at this one.

Brenda and I started reading through a book together several weeks back. The book is "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Each week, we spend a little time talking through the chapter we each read in the past week, focusing in on the areas that we each marked with a highlighter pen. This began as an extension of a weekly prayer time that her and I have. It took around 16 years of marriage before I acted as the leader of my household and made this happen. A man does this if he is really going to be a man.

I was not inspired to write this just to say that, I have something a whole lot more substantial. I am convinced that one of the most important things about what it means to be a man comes from Ephesians 5:25-30. This passage informs us in how we should think, the attitude we have, and the action we take in pursuit of true manhood.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

This passage is part of the foundational passage for Dr. Eggerichs' book. And if you get a chance to go through the book, do it. From his book, my personal experience as of late, and my intent to be the best man I can be, I feel pretty strongly about this passage. I feel like it's application reaches far beyond a man's relationship with his wife. This passage can find application for men of any status, and for married men, beyond their spousal relationship.

I have come to realize that a real man, a real leader, is one whose thoughts, attitudes, and actions toward others (especially his wife) reflect the pattern demonstrated in Jesus Christ. It is so easy to react or act based upon another's offense (intentional or not) toward me, or their failure to be what I expect. This is not manly, it is childish, and is certainly not anywhere near the role model Jesus set forth for me. That passage says that Jesus so loved the church (you and me) that he gave himself up for her. It says that he pursued removal of offensiveness and failure in the church through sacrifice.

I want to be a real man. (C'mon jokers, get serious here and stop thinking of Pinnochio!) When people offend me, fail me, hurt me, disappoint me, dismiss me, or sin against me in any other way, I want to be like Jesus. He truly is the ultimate role model. He conquered hate, division, even death through loving sacrificially. I was deeply struck by Dr. Eggerichs' words: "Gentlemen, it is true you are not designed by God to enjoy contempt, but He does call you to take the hit." It is just another way of saying, "take it like a man". Yeah, I want to be able to "take the hit" "like a man" as I pursue good relationships with my wife, my friends, my church, my community, my world. Ah, idealism. Now, many of us might say, "I take the hit all the time". The challenge is to do so without being a whiny sissy about it. I know I have a big hurdle with that. It's what they call the 'martyr complex'. Taking the hit the way Jesus did then, and continues to do today, means doing so with dignity, integrity, courage, and most of all love. 1 Corinthians 13 shouts in support of Jesus-like manhood:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For nwe know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Here's to learning each day how to man up and be like Jesus.

Do We Know How To Feel?

I am observing something that I think has an established pattern to it. I have recently wondered why people seem to be incapable of showing emotion. Mind you, I did not say 'utterly incapable', instead I mean they are variably hindered. When I say variably hindered, I mean that not all people are emotionally stunted to the same degree.

My hypothesis is that we become progressively diminished in our emotional expression through conditioning brought about by life's ups and downs. Consider children. When they express joy, excitement, happiness, enthusiasm, sorrow, grief, frustration, or any other emotion, you often see a pure expression. Now, hold that in contrast to your own emotional expression. Is there a difference? Why? Some might say that part of the process of maturation is a development of sophistication in expression. I don't disagree with that, but I think that applies to things like vocabulary a whole lot more appropriately than emotion.

I think that life for most of us conditions us to not get too excited about something because we will probably just be disappointed. Don't let yourself be touched by pain, suffering, or loss because you will always be grieving. Stuff your frustration because it is not okay to share your offense with others lest you be labeled intolerant of others. This isn't to say that we shouldn't develop maturity in our response to others, but at what point does the outcome become counter productive?

I suppose I'm quixotically arguing against a social norm. That has never stopped me. Especially as I have been thinking about this. Why are overcompensating defense mechanisms in our emotive selves acceptable? Don't we want to feel and express to the fullest potential of our being? Is it not attractive to think of the freedom of expressing our feelings the way un-jaded children do?

So friends, how do you feel about this?

Complaining About Responsibility

Yesterday, I came upon something in a reading plan (ESV SB) I'm doing. This from the gospel of Luke 17:7-10:

“Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”

It struck me as quite applicable to my own life and the lives of many around me. The way I responded to it was to think about it from two different angles, the served and the servant.

As the served, I am in this position only because another voluntarily serves me. How egregious then, is my self-centeredness, when I fail to sincerely express gratitude? This attitude of entitlement that I (and sadly to say my fellow Americans) carry around has got to change!

As the servant, I am only in this position only because the grace of God has transformed me and because I have been gifted with sharable resources and abilities. How shameful then, is my narcissism, when I think that people should owe me something because I shared a gift? Am I really that deplorable of a character?

Am I to live in shame, guilt, and condemnation for my shortcomings? Yeah, sure these questions are ridiculously rhetorical, but they seem valid for a reality check. This is the type of reality check I feel that I need on a regular basis to get/keep me on track. The teachings of Christ regularly do this to me. So hard-hitting and challenging when one seriously considers them. At the same time, they came from the embodiment of God's love, grace, compassion, and patience! In this, I'm reminded of how highly God thinks of me, and that I have something far more substantial to build an identity upon than my own merit.

If I tend to take better care of things that cost me dearly than things that don't, how much more will God take care of me who He sacrificed greatly for? This applies to you too!